There will always be an ars%$#

There will always be an arsehole

Somewhere, sometime

There will always be one.

Its even easier these days to use social media, impersonal messages, emails

to bully, demean, steal your sunshine

However thats not about YOU.

You are the recipient – the target

Unfortunate that someones crap always has to spill out onto others

Yet it comes from their inability to deal with their own poop.

Think of it this way.

Remembering that aresholes are full of crap – literally – so its going to come out anyway

What happens is that holding it in means they are ready to explode

Its likely they have been holding it in because others aren’t putting up with it anymore

It can feel random, unwarranted, and usually is

They search for a vent – not a truth

So its unlikely to be personal or even relevant

You are just the object for the moment

It may have been an old connection

It most likely is because you appear to be getting life together

Posting happy pics on social media usually draws out the jealousy

Draws out the attention

However it should NOT steal your sunshine

The very millisecond you feel your light dim realise this

Its only your happiness that attracts the arseholes

Its your bright light that they cant find for themselves

They cant see it within themselves

So they try to either steal it

Or bring you down so they aren’t being reminded of what they think they are missing out on

The key to all this is that IF you let them pull you down

Even just for a moment

You are doing YOURSELF – AND THEM the greatest disservice

They need to reach out of that dark place

Thats their job. Their journey.

The sun shining out of an arsehole is of course a myth – as we know

They need to crawl out of the dark

Pull their head out of it

And it will only happen when they realise they cant beat us – they have to join us

Be there own light

Of course it doesn’t matter how empathetic or spiritual you are

It doesn’t mean you take responsibility for them finding their light

Thats martyrdom

And thats not serving anyone but ego.

They may be OK there. Leave them there

Your life isn’t all roses and puppy dogs is it ?

You choose to be happy

So can they.

Be brave

Be the role model for yours and your own

There will always be an arsehole

Their mission is usually to hurt, demean, take

Your mission is to be you, choose you, be happy

Hold your nose, raise your face and feel the warm sunlight glowing onto your cheeks

Stand tall and value where you have come from

Step boldly into your future

Live

Smile

ENJOY

XX

All ‘firsts’ change us

In a year full of firsts it is easy to forget that we are living a lifetime of firsts

Some amazing

Some not so amazing.

My late husband used to scoff at Valentines day. He did however take the opportunity to buy gorgeous roses and have them delivered to wherever I was. In his words he was a self confessed ‘crusty old skin flint’ yet he couldn’t resist the opportunity to see me smile knowing how much I loved them.

When we first met I had 3 very young kids and life was full of joy – yet man it was hard…….hard hard.

Of the many small things I used to do for myself was to always put flowers in the house.

I also had a candle fetish with a hall table with about 20 at least, the number of which I chose to light depending on how I felt. He said it looked a little voodoo’esque. Of course I found that highly amusing.

Nonetheless, I saw him looking at these beautiful roses one day and I thought I knew what he was thinking.

About 6 months later he said he had always wondered who was buying me flowers and ‘did he have some competition’ He said he was too scared to ask incase he couldn’t match up.

Had never occurred to me that he wasn’t self assured enough either.

You see I knew what he was looking at, yet I never realised how worried he was about it.

When he spilled his guts about it, I explained that I bought them for me. Nobody else – just me.

I have no doubt he did realise after a while, as it was a weekly or fortnightly ritual.

It was a small gift to myself that raised my spirits, and brightened up the house. Yet the voodoo’esque side of me also knew that if the blooms lasted nicely, the energy in the house and around us was balanced. If they wilted quickly, there was clearing to do.

I always smiled when I looked at them because it also reminded me of how far we had all come – of what they meant so deeply for us – for me – on so many levels.

It was a reclaiming of my inner strength, that had been under a weight for such a long time.

He brightened those days. I know he knew how much.

Valentines Day. Another first since he has passed. And it’s full of memories.

I have a few birthdays coming up and if theres one thing I have learned through this experience, its that wondering about how they will play out steals as many moments as his loss has.

My classic line about all this – as many of you will know already – is that ‘its a bit shit’.

And it’s still a bit shit.

Some days are shitter than others.

Yet there is so much to be happy and grateful about. So so much.

Not every one of our days together were rosey (pardon the pun), in fact some months weren’t exactly rosey.

Yet they were part of the rich tapestry of our lives and the lives of my kids who aren’t quite so little anymore.

Life is full of firsts and this is another.

It brings up so many raw emotions and it would be very easy to mount up the ones that don’t serve.

Yet I have to remember that of all days he chose to go it was Friday the 13th.

So in a world of loss, grief and hard stuff, I have to giggle that he chose a day that nobody could forget.

And the only time that was available for his funeral was the same time he passed, exactly a week later.

Talk about orchestrating his own funeral…

So focussing on the day, I am enjoying the peace and allowing the emotion to take me wherever is needed.

What I find amusing is that I feel like buying some flowers yet his voice in my head tells me they will be double the price today ….. haha !

Time is all we have. Spend yours wisely because it’s a gift that cant be replaced.

All firsts change us in some way. Thats what ALL of our experiences are designed to do.

All I can wish for you on this Happy Valentines Day is….

May your life be full of amazing firsts that change your lives for the better.

Life isnt a spectator sport.

GO LIVE IT

xx

 

So NOw wHat…

Excitedly I put the finishing touches in my planner for today…

And I embrace that it’s February already.

There is so much to enjoy when you have freedom to choose

And it tastes even sweeter as you stop long enough to recognise that you ALwAYS have freedom to choose.

You may not have freedom to AcT in the moment

Yet part of manifesting is truly the choice.

The action is facilitated by situation, circumstance, and timing.

Yet NOT A THING will happen

If you don’t begin with a choice.

SO I challenge you to make 1 choice EvERy day this month.

Give it a go.

Just 1.

Feel that freedom and that power in that moment.

The action has a pathway once you do.

It has MUcH more likelihood of suCEEdinG if You DOOOOO

February will be jam packed.

And I look forward to sharing it with you.

So……

What will you ChoOSe ?

Go For It

🙂

xx

 

Its just what we do….

It is nearly February and the excitement is building with what 2019 has on offer

Everything we do is a reflection of us

And January has been about self care for me.

Divesting myself of what no longer serves

Limiting my work substantially

Diet changes that support my wellbeing

Complete overhaul in many areas.

Because to be honest – it’s time.

It’s my time.

Yet one of the things I am so grateful for is the time I have made, to watch and listen to family and friends and truly soak up the experiences.

Some days we are in need and other days we are needed.

If we are so busy ‘doing’, we barely have time for ‘being’.

Yet in many cases, it’s just what we do.

I like to think that my kids have learned how to be good people through my experiences yet more importantly for seeing my actions and choices made

I have to say that what I have learned is that they forget much of what I pained over.

What I mean is that they forget the details.

I shake my head.

Its like it didn’t even happen.

And then something amazing happened.

A friend needed some support and my little elf says ‘we can make this work’.

I said ‘are you sure?’

(Well it’s a teenager after all….)

And she said

“Isn’t that what friends do?”

And I realised instantly.

Nothing has ever been in vain.

Teenagers are monsters at times yet it doesn’t negate their understanding

And that yes…It’s just what friends do…has come out of my mouth enough times, followed by genuine action and compassion, for it to sink in.

Not the lip service, the action.

And really, thats the truth.

It’s just what we do.

But you actually have to ‘do’

And of course never forget to be your own best friend too

xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You are enough – amazing – more than enough

At a workshop on the weekend I was listening as people shared some of their stories

There was so much joy in the room and excitement around what is ahead

I am so looking forward to enjoying it along with them as we progress through the year

Yet there was one lovely person who made a few comments that struck a cord

I recall listening thinking wow – she doesn’t realise how strong she is because she has had someone else’s script slowly but surely replaces hers

And nobody else’s script will work for you. Because it’s not who you are.

It might sound fitting

Yet energetically it’s not a fit.

Some of you might already know me – yet know that I just can’t leave someone who is questioning their worth, if just a few words will encourage them to move forward.

So I reminded her quite simply that she is absolutely amazing and everything that has transpired to this point means she has succeeded.

We are at any moment, the sum of our experiences.

And we have SUCCEEDED to survive our experiences.

And Many MANY times we forget that we have achieved along the way, made decisions that moved us forward, SUCCEEDED.

Sometimes – many times we forget how freakin amazing we are.

And those moments I ask you, when you hear in someone dialogue that they have gotten stuck in someone else’s script – please look them in the eye, and remind them that they have clearly forgotten how amazing they are.

At this point they will not see it – so point out that they are upright and looking forward regardless of whatever derailed them

Can I tell you – that it doesn’t make a difference who and what and where they were derailed

Just take a short moment and remind them they are enough.

They are more than enough.

And they are amazing.

As are you

xx

 

 

Because I want to – taking the toddler approach…

Part of good parenting is trying hard to manage the toddler years with a view to bringing up good humans who are respectful and can enjoy being part of a community

No mean feat.

If you’ve been there I needn’t explain myself any further

Yet why remind you of delightful times that you likely put out of your head

Theres a gift in it as I always say.

Remember when you were frustrated yet admit it – half in awe of your toddlers guts and determination ?

You half wished you could commit to an argument with the tenacity of your pint size opponent.

Well theres a gift in your experience.

And all my students will tell you – I ask them a million times every time…

Whats the gift in all this?

So think about it.

Your toddler truly believes they are entitled to whatever they decide.

Thats why they fight.

They don’t have the cognition nor the experience to make more balanced judgements in the moment.

Thats where adults help.

Yet I ask you to consider how clever ‘they’ are.

They don’t compromise because they don’t think its required.

They ask you for things because they want them

One of things I believe we have forgotten, is to ask for what we want.

Is it because we have mastered the art of compromise a little too well?

I cant answer that for you however I think there are times we all have.

The time its really an issue is when you are trying to keep others happy at the expense of your own wants – let alone needs

It certainly doesn’t have to have anything to do with anyone else.

It’s really about you and your choices.

So ask yourself if you want something – why do you want it.

Does it move you?

Are you passionate about it?

If the answer is yes – then why not do it?

I believe we need to retrain ourselves – to put ourselves first more.

We seem to have excelled at putting ourselves second – so why not first?

The key point here is to ask yourself whether what you want is what you truly want.

And be OK with wanting stuff.

Be OK with wanting things and circumstances, situations and therefore experiences for yourself.

Just because you want them.

You are worthy.

Do what you want, harm none.

Simple and Clever.

Our lives are enriched through experiences.

That requires us to actually have them.

The only thing that holds us back and limits us is ourselves

So take the toddler approach.

Do you want it?

Go for it!

Compromise is OK yet conceding when it’s important to you – is not.

Take the toddler approach.

Keep it simple.

Use your adult awareness, balance and judgement, yet channel your inner toddler

And live a little.

Thrive.

Experience

Enjoy

Live

xx

 

 

 

 

Worrying and energy. How my gratitude journalling helps me.

Worrying wastes so much energy……yet we can’t seem to help it.

To work out how to sort the problem, we need to consider what it actually is.

It helps find a solution, a strategy, a way forward.

The mere act of thinking uses energy – And thats not wasteful.

Where we actually lose it is in thoughts without focus or when we follow our thoughts down a rabbit hole so to speak.

There is a lot to be said for being truly focused and following your path

There is a lot of hype around staying the course and being passionately driven.

Well I am driven, passionate, focused and totally human.

So I find something that works and because I love it, it works even more because I seek it out.

I set myself up for success that way.

I start my day with 3 things I am grateful for.

And I share it with the you all.

Our worrying thoughts might keep us under the covers snuggled or hiding in bed…. or motivate us to get out of it,  yet once we are moving – distractions,  aromas of yummy coffee or breakfast cooking, and we haven’t even discussed entertainment and social media…

Worry can be deep or superficial, short lived or long lasting.

For example, I worried for decades that I would develop osteoporosis because my paternal grandmother who is pretty much my early warning sign with everything else, suffered greatly with it.

Through my Science degree in Naturopathy I learned about the Thyroid, calcium and the link to bone density which explained precisely why she developed it.

It isn’t in the textbooks as such, yet when I understood the cascade of what the body does, I understood what her system was doing to her while trying to regulate her levels.

The body is AMAzingly clever, but far out it gets it wrong chemically sometimes. Confused yet still high functioning in the wrong way.

Thats also the reason I don’t worry anymore.

I don’t have those thyroid issues.

So how do I know that you might ask ?

The plot thickens.

My mother years ago suggested I get my thyroid checked because it might explain my weight gain, because my grandmother had thyroid X, Y & Z.

I suggested that it was more easily explained by ‘I eat too much and don’t exercise’ – Not rocket science.

We were not amused….

Yet I went anyway and mine is all fine.

It appeared it was all food, no exercise….

So as soon as I studied the endocrine system and the thyroid, the link became clear – well the lack of link more precisely.

And the worry lifted.

And it did worry me because she had a rough time before she passed with it being a major contributor to a rapid reduction in her quality of life.

So where does my journalling fit in to all of this ?

It’s my ‘start the day right’ habit.

I enjoy it so I seek it out.

It starts my day with the right mindset.

The deep worries seem to wake up with us if they are top of mind, such as my anatomy & physiology exam on today…yet even that overhanging shadow has to take a back seat while I sit and consider 3 things I am grateful for.

Each day I choose to stop, pick colored pens, draw hearts and stars, color them in, and smile, take a pic, and share.

And in those moments – much as I am a sensational multitasker, I do nothing else beyond journal those 3 things.

Now that I have stolen my own attention from my life’s distractions,  I consider the days activities, appointments, and anything I have to list.

Then I MAKE SURE I glance at the space where I will write tonite’s gratitude in.

And smile.

Thats when I put the coffee on.

After that point if I have failed to plan I waste loads of time

But thats another blogpost

In the interim,

I hope you are enjoying my gratitude sharing,

And realise that gratitude doesn’t have to be earth shattering to anyone else but you

And heartwarming is what I aim for.

My heart,

My self

My soul.

It’s my strategy to minimise my worry, my time wasting way to get lost in the day.

So know that when I share my gratitude with the world I am sharing the warmth from my heart – not aiming for clever words.

They wont always make sense to you yet they are absolutely gratitude-worthy for me

You will possibly notice I tend to ramble….

Yet my gratitude is always small, loving, short and sweet.

I used to struggle to stick to 3

Now I find its less of a screen dump and more real

So I derail the big worries and the small ones too

And that starts my day right

I look to the rest of the day as an adventure with timeframes.

My end of day gratitude is like tying up ribbons with a pretty bow.

NEVER an after thought.

And its a nice set of thoughts top of mind before I close my eyes.

I always find something to cherish. It can tweak a challenge with a positive spin

Enjoy

Gratitude

Always

xx

 

Why its important for me (and you) to drink water

We all know the feeling of dehydration

Whats worse is that many times we get used to it – and it becomes our normal

Our amazing bodies do some serious internal management while we just do our thing, half assuming it will find balance as it has always done.

Yet any dietician or natural medicine practitioner will tell you that fluid is a significant component of our body makeup at any point in time.

Around 60% for males and slightly less for women.

Thats ‘average’ – and I don’t know if you are average but a benchmark certainly helps.

So when my inflammation flares as it has been for me lately which is why I keep making #chooseyou decisions until life settles into balance, there is one sure fire thing that starts the rejuvenation process – and thats drinking water.

I am a kombucha making, ferment fan, yet water is the simple place to begin.

I have been studying for my latest Anatomy & Physiology Exam and this graphic stares me in the face

Knowing what I know about the body and its processes, and what it actually does without me having to think about it, blows my mind each semester.

Focus, Water.

If we don’t take in enough fluid to keep the wheels turning, like most machines, the wheels fall off.

Sooo 9 litres of fluid.

And from there 8 litres reabsorbed. That means it goes back into our body to be used for making, doing, and protecting.

So if I don’t access fluid each day, wheels start to get wobbly.

Now I don’t suggest at all you need to drink that much water, in fact that would be bad for you. If you look at the graphic that puts many to sleep….fluids gather from all stages and just over 2 litres come from intake of foods and all sources by mouth, however it makes sense that my body gets irritated when it doesn’t get the fluids it needs !

So a wise friend today suggested to up my water intake, then I review this unit on organs and the digestive functions, and it’s a lovely real reminder of what, how, and why.

Kiss rule really.

Add inflammation and stress to the body and averages don’t generally apply because the body can’t reabsorb properly even if I do ensure my water intake is good.

However thats no reason to not do what I know works.

Start the process.

Be gentle with yourself.

2 days in and I feel much much better for it.

xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Reality of Stress (warning…this gets real).

Many of you know I don’t aspire to the whole ‘bad year’ juju concept.

And one of the reasons I take that approach is that it puts a far too big a picture in my mind of a whole year of bad

Because what I have experienced is that picture contributes to our reality.

I find there is much research that backs up every different perspective

What I can tell you is that a year – despite having been around for over 50 of them, still seems like a huge chunk.

When stressed, months are a ‘chunk’.

It doesn’t matter how spiritual I am, my mind is in a physical situation , dealing with my day to day

And that is my current reality.

And I am sure you can relate.

When in severely stressful situations, smaller things appear to be bigger chunks.

And the color of that chunk is rarely sparkly and moonbeams.

Many talk of a black cloud.

In my world, family are struggling after the last year or two, with at times a thundercloud weighing on their shoulders.

And the reality of stress is that we find coping mechanisms that we believe alleviates the stress which is really about escaping the stressor.

We are built to move from stressors. Its physiological. (check out what the clever Adrenal glands do)

But sometimes we cant.

So we cope.

Thats our box of tricks, our strategy.

So when I say I don’t give oxygen to the whole 2018 was a shitter, and for a miniscule moment – I will consider yes it was, but so quickly I begin to visualise it as a dark chunk.

And I move. Strategy engage.

I was recently asked if I was avoiding the events of 2018 by not driving down certain roads anymore.

Ah hell yes.

I have been managing my way through days by remembering good times between hard ones.

I have always done this – except as a teenager. But we all remember the rules seem down the toilet around 14….

Let me share something with you to put it in perspective.

And it’s going to be honest.

If you have been with a loved one in palliative care you get this.

When you have no physical or verbal response from someone who was incredibly vibrant, with dreams and goals just like everyone else, yet you know they can still hear everything, you have long quiet hours.

The mind is awake yet the body is asleep is the only way I can describe it.

You still have conversations albeit one sided. (And the scallywag in me thinks captive audience….)

Whilst chatting, caring and fussing, I made a joke about very long toenails, and heard a snigger.

Thats the spark – the moment that gets you through.

When people came to visit and we could only let in close family, and these beautiful friends rev up their corvette outside the window and did a burnout – I heard a laugh rise from deep within him….

Thats the moment that gets me through.

That snigger, that laugh, they are the last things I heard.

So I don’t drive past that place anymore. I take a different road.

Hell yes I am avoiding the place.

Not because of the place, but because when I see the patient transport going in I know what the family is about to face.

When I see the blacked out vans coming out – I know.

And my strategy is to not see those.

So farbeit for me to dispense advice, I am sharing what I know from experience.

Find your strategy.

If things look overwhelming look for ways to see smaller components

Ask for help and support

And learn to take it when it’s offered.

As long as it serves you – thats the disclaimer right there.

The friend who asked if I was ‘avoiding’ meant absolutely no ill will.

They just aren’t in my mind and body.

It touched a nerve.

Yet it was very closely followed by a strategy.

What do I need to deal with.

Do I even need to respond.

Move from stressor.

I.E. CHANGE SUBJECT.

Done.

And know that dealing with stress is an ongoing process.

Your box of tricks is far deeper than you might think

However sometimes we need help seeing it.

The state of stress is the state of your reality. Yet it’s not your end game.

It’s a stepping stone in the almighty rollercoaster of life.

Find the sparks – the moments in between

You are here…and you got this.

xx

 

 

Embracing the ‘thank F#@k’

There will be so many people who have had a wonderful break

And hopefully you have too.

And all I can say is ‘thank F$#k’.

Thank F$#k so many have stopped worrying about what others are doing

Assumption is the mother of all F$#k ups.

Why ?

When overloaded we tend to get insular

We cant see beyond our own shadow.

Anxiousness and stress play out in peoples heads and then into actions.

Many assumptions about motivations and agendas are simply untrue.

I wish for you the liberation of not being the focus of others.

We all know how liberating it is when someone has moved on regardless of the relationship it was

It’s like a weight has been lifted off our shoulders.

The most spiritually enlightened of us can still be affected by that weight, despite it not being our poop in the first place.

So from me to you

I wish for you as many ‘thank F$#k’s as you can handle

You can see it in peoples posts

You can see it in comments

Yet they can’t.

When they post something without a barb it’s because they have let that go.

EMBRACE it.

Even though it’s hard sometimes to let go of the nastiness you may have encountered or watched another encounter.

Sing it out loud.

Dance up the hallway

THAAAAAANK F$#$#$$$$$$$$K

And enjoy the lightness you feel.

Theres a common name for all this.

It’s called FREEDOM.

You are not bound by another.

However you may still have experienced the rubbish.

So embrace it

And enjoy it.

Thank F#$K.