Many of you know I don’t aspire to the whole ‘bad year’ juju concept.
And one of the reasons I take that approach is that it puts a far too big a picture in my mind of a whole year of bad
Because what I have experienced is that picture contributes to our reality.
I find there is much research that backs up every different perspective
What I can tell you is that a year – despite having been around for over 50 of them, still seems like a huge chunk.
When stressed, months are a ‘chunk’.
It doesn’t matter how spiritual I am, my mind is in a physical situation , dealing with my day to day
And that is my current reality.
And I am sure you can relate.
When in severely stressful situations, smaller things appear to be bigger chunks.
And the color of that chunk is rarely sparkly and moonbeams.
Many talk of a black cloud.
In my world, family are struggling after the last year or two, with at times a thundercloud weighing on their shoulders.
And the reality of stress is that we find coping mechanisms that we believe alleviates the stress which is really about escaping the stressor.
We are built to move from stressors. Its physiological. (check out what the clever Adrenal glands do)
But sometimes we cant.
So we cope.
Thats our box of tricks, our strategy.
So when I say I don’t give oxygen to the whole 2018 was a shitter, and for a miniscule moment – I will consider yes it was, but so quickly I begin to visualise it as a dark chunk.
And I move. Strategy engage.
I was recently asked if I was avoiding the events of 2018 by not driving down certain roads anymore.
Ah hell yes.
I have been managing my way through days by remembering good times between hard ones.
I have always done this – except as a teenager. But we all remember the rules seem down the toilet around 14….
Let me share something with you to put it in perspective.
And it’s going to be honest.
If you have been with a loved one in palliative care you get this.
When you have no physical or verbal response from someone who was incredibly vibrant, with dreams and goals just like everyone else, yet you know they can still hear everything, you have long quiet hours.
The mind is awake yet the body is asleep is the only way I can describe it.
You still have conversations albeit one sided. (And the scallywag in me thinks captive audience….)
Whilst chatting, caring and fussing, I made a joke about very long toenails, and heard a snigger.
Thats the spark – the moment that gets you through.
When people came to visit and we could only let in close family, and these beautiful friends rev up their corvette outside the window and did a burnout – I heard a laugh rise from deep within him….
Thats the moment that gets me through.
That snigger, that laugh, they are the last things I heard.
So I don’t drive past that place anymore. I take a different road.
Hell yes I am avoiding the place.
Not because of the place, but because when I see the patient transport going in I know what the family is about to face.
When I see the blacked out vans coming out – I know.
And my strategy is to not see those.
So farbeit for me to dispense advice, I am sharing what I know from experience.
Find your strategy.
If things look overwhelming look for ways to see smaller components
Ask for help and support
And learn to take it when it’s offered.
As long as it serves you – thats the disclaimer right there.
The friend who asked if I was ‘avoiding’ meant absolutely no ill will.
They just aren’t in my mind and body.
It touched a nerve.
Yet it was very closely followed by a strategy.
What do I need to deal with.
Do I even need to respond.
Move from stressor.
I.E. CHANGE SUBJECT.
And know that dealing with stress is an ongoing process.
Your box of tricks is far deeper than you might think
However sometimes we need help seeing it.
The state of stress is the state of your reality. Yet it’s not your end game.
It’s a stepping stone in the almighty rollercoaster of life.
Find the sparks – the moments in between
You are here…and you got this.