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The Reality of Stress (warning…this gets real).

Many of you know I don’t aspire to the whole ‘bad year’ juju concept.

And one of the reasons I take that approach is that it puts a far too big a picture in my mind of a whole year of bad

Because what I have experienced is that picture contributes to our reality.

I find there is much research that backs up every different perspective

What I can tell you is that a year – despite having been around for over 50 of them, still seems like a huge chunk.

When stressed, months are a ‘chunk’.

It doesn’t matter how spiritual I am, my mind is in a physical situation , dealing with my day to day

And that is my current reality.

And I am sure you can relate.

When in severely stressful situations, smaller things appear to be bigger chunks.

And the color of that chunk is rarely sparkly and moonbeams.

Many talk of a black cloud.

In my world, family are struggling after the last year or two, with at times a thundercloud weighing on their shoulders.

And the reality of stress is that we find coping mechanisms that we believe alleviates the stress which is really about escaping the stressor.

We are built to move from stressors. Its physiological. (check out what the clever Adrenal glands do)

But sometimes we cant.

So we cope.

Thats our box of tricks, our strategy.

So when I say I don’t give oxygen to the whole 2018 was a shitter, and for a miniscule moment – I will consider yes it was, but so quickly I begin to visualise it as a dark chunk.

And I move. Strategy engage.

I was recently asked if I was avoiding the events of 2018 by not driving down certain roads anymore.

Ah hell yes.

I have been managing my way through days by remembering good times between hard ones.

I have always done this – except as a teenager. But we all remember the rules seem down the toilet around 14….

Let me share something with you to put it in perspective.

And it’s going to be honest.

If you have been with a loved one in palliative care you get this.

When you have no physical or verbal response from someone who was incredibly vibrant, with dreams and goals just like everyone else, yet you know they can still hear everything, you have long quiet hours.

The mind is awake yet the body is asleep is the only way I can describe it.

You still have conversations albeit one sided. (And the scallywag in me thinks captive audience….)

Whilst chatting, caring and fussing, I made a joke about very long toenails, and heard a snigger.

Thats the spark – the moment that gets you through.

When people came to visit and we could only let in close family, and these beautiful friends rev up their corvette outside the window and did a burnout – I heard a laugh rise from deep within him….

Thats the moment that gets me through.

That snigger, that laugh, they are the last things I heard.

So I don’t drive past that place anymore. I take a different road.

Hell yes I am avoiding the place.

Not because of the place, but because when I see the patient transport going in I know what the family is about to face.

When I see the blacked out vans coming out – I know.

And my strategy is to not see those.

So farbeit for me to dispense advice, I am sharing what I know from experience.

Find your strategy.

If things look overwhelming look for ways to see smaller components

Ask for help and support

And learn to take it when it’s offered.

As long as it serves you – thats the disclaimer right there.

The friend who asked if I was ‘avoiding’ meant absolutely no ill will.

They just aren’t in my mind and body.

It touched a nerve.

Yet it was very closely followed by a strategy.

What do I need to deal with.

Do I even need to respond.

Move from stressor.

I.E. CHANGE SUBJECT.

Done.

And know that dealing with stress is an ongoing process.

Your box of tricks is far deeper than you might think

However sometimes we need help seeing it.

The state of stress is the state of your reality. Yet it’s not your end game.

It’s a stepping stone in the almighty rollercoaster of life.

Find the sparks – the moments in between

You are here…and you got this.

xx

 

 

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Embracing the ‘thank F#@k’

There will be so many people who have had a wonderful break

And hopefully you have too.

And all I can say is ‘thank F$#k’.

Thank F$#k so many have stopped worrying about what others are doing

Assumption is the mother of all F$#k ups.

Why ?

When overloaded we tend to get insular

We cant see beyond our own shadow.

Anxiousness and stress play out in peoples heads and then into actions.

Many assumptions about motivations and agendas are simply untrue.

I wish for you the liberation of not being the focus of others.

We all know how liberating it is when someone has moved on regardless of the relationship it was

It’s like a weight has been lifted off our shoulders.

The most spiritually enlightened of us can still be affected by that weight, despite it not being our poop in the first place.

So from me to you

I wish for you as many ‘thank F$#k’s as you can handle

You can see it in peoples posts

You can see it in comments

Yet they can’t.

When they post something without a barb it’s because they have let that go.

EMBRACE it.

Even though it’s hard sometimes to let go of the nastiness you may have encountered or watched another encounter.

Sing it out loud.

Dance up the hallway

THAAAAAANK F$#$#$$$$$$$$K

And enjoy the lightness you feel.

Theres a common name for all this.

It’s called FREEDOM.

You are not bound by another.

However you may still have experienced the rubbish.

So embrace it

And enjoy it.

Thank F#$K.

bullshit plant a garden

Ctrl – Alt -Del : The Revolutionary Soft Boot

I sit evening after evening, often in bed early, propped up comfortably gazing at my spectacular tranquil view

What a difference a year can make.

I want to share with you what I have been brewing for the last few days

And in all honesty, it’s the perfect NY thing.

I am a pattern girl

A virgo for sure

And a love for language, numbers and order

haunt me often.

However I have a quirky side where the patterns and numbers get to play

They have supported me in exams, essays, probabilities and business for years

Yes I have a knack for poker

It used to pay for my school lunches

Yet thats entirely another blog.

I have always loved the soothing voices of reason in my head

And the quirky way I question my own decision making

Provides a running commentary that is a comedy sketch that often requires censorship…

However my favorite of all ‘WTF commentary’ is

Don’t forget Ctrl – Alt – Del.

It revolutionised IT

And you would be hard pressed to find anyone who hasn’t blessed that 3 key prayer as it rebooted everything

It’s THE analogy on so many levels.

First thing is that you co-ordinate your hands and press keys.

To do that you have to LET GO of what isn’t working.

You avoid fidgetting and fumbling with dusty cords if you were really unlucky, or at best working out which is the right power button.

SOoooo

Control.

What can you control – exactly ?

Deal with that.

Or consider that instead of trying to get something to work that refuses….just take control with 1 key.

Alt.

Pick an alternate.

Is there one ?

STOP and consider whether the one you are dealing with is EVER going to be a combination that works.

Del.

My personal favorite.

Because it KICKS my PROCRASTINATION in the BUTT.

DELETE that MOFO.

Gone.

Cant get it back.

At least its a decision.

So whats been my Ctrl-Alt-Del Soft boot ?

I have Unsubscribed, Unfollowed, Deleted so much stuff.

Social Media connected mainly tbh.

I want to enjoy my Social Media again.

I archived a few of my pages.

I then went back and deleted them.

People will do the same with mine – and I prefer that.

I cant be fussed worrying about whether someone thinks it’s about them, or gets offended.

Thats their stuff and most people will go through rollercoasters of anxiousness, grief, anger and everything in between.

Just like I do.

I just don’t want to see it.

I haven’t the inclination or energy for it – I just don’t.

So what do I mean by that ?

I just want to enjoy my social media and connect with those who enjoy what I share.

I have so loved New Year greetings from so many far and wide.

My circle is large, global, and I am truly blessed.

Yet my inner circle is small.

Though many are welcomed, as many are not.

And thats absolutely fine.

My space is mine to do with what I feel works for me.

Importantly, things change for all of us along the way.

And just like Del. There is always a way to return if the door is meant to be opened.

I pocket dialed someone I used to spend so much time with.

Random. Bizarre.

That made it random connecting twice in as many months, where there had been none for maybe 5 or so years.

The door wont likely open again – yet the encounters were respectful.

And why wouldn’t they be ?

So soft boot and take control of as much as you can – or as much as you can handle.

Stop and consider alternatives.

And clear out what doesn’t serve you.

Revolutionary on so many levels.

xx

Enjoy

good person

 

Opportunities or obstacles

I get it

Positivity and plans, ideas and concepts

We all have them

I don’t know about you however I seriously hold my breath some (most) days and hope, pray, sweet talk and motivate myself – yes – all in the one breath.

And thats before the day even begins.

I have had quarter of a century being in the thick of big business decisions, crisis management, and strategising at high level.

I have had family circumstances that would shut down many peoples universe.

I lost a husband who passed at 57, and have had to manage myself and my children’s grief through the minefield of disgraceful behaviour from people who knew better and should be ashamed of themselves.

Yet I am here, upright, and breathing.

(With a smile on my dial I might add)

Yet all those things mean I have succeeded, I can strategise, yet what they do NOT do is GUARANTEE anything.

Not one thing.

What it means is that I may have more confidence that I will come out the other side of what life throws at me…

Yet that is only half the battle.

I don’t doubt for one second that even the most accomplished of entrepreneurs in all of their endeavours, have the same hold your breath moments.

What we – you – I – they – ALL have in common, is the HUMAN element.

You see what makes us individuals, makes us similar.

It is the humanity within us, the empath, the questioner, the confident, the brave, the shy and the clueless.

We each have our moments in each experience, where we take that breath and consider.

We consider who we are, what this might mean, to us and to others.

It hardens us, makes us warm and squishy, engages and entertains us.

You each get to choose that part.

Your crazy moment is not so crazy after all you see.

It’s the gift – yet feels so intense sometimes that we don’t do anything with it beyond trying to survive it.

As many of my mentorship students will attest, and almost anyone who has ever attended a workshop with me for that matter will recall the realisation,  that we instantly go on the defensive when theres a surge of energy from within us.

We hold our breath and notice the moment.

Instantly we see it as something affecting us. And our first choice is defensive.

We miss that moment to recognise the varying degrees of experience, and the potential for opportunities that lay within it

And that is what I wish for you.

I wish that tomorrow morning, before your day truly begins,

when you take that ‘here we go’ breath to start your day

That you see the opportunity in the midst of everything that wells up from within you

I wish for you to see how incredible you are

I wish you joy

and I wish for you the best of yourself.

You deserve better

You deserve the best of you and what life can bring.

And I encourage you to embrace it.

And know that when you do

Another person will be watching and will embrace the fire within them

Be your best self

For you.

For others.

For you.

xx

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Nearly Nearly isn’t good practice

At this time of year, people – well I can only speak for myself…

I ask myself what Do I want to keep doing – and why.

I want to continue things because I enjoy them

Or do I do things because I am contracted to do them for example

They are not the same thing at all.

So if you think about it

Why cant they be the same?

Because there is usually a timeframe around the latter.

Potentially a responsibility not a ‘liking’ for the connection.

So if you decide that you don’t want to continue doing something

Then find out the constraints

And decide if there is an option you hadn’t thought of

And mark out the time frame.

Then ask yourself how can I make the most of the time I have to flush away while I am stuck.

If you have to then you have to

Nobody says you cant make the best of it because you don’t like it.

And the difference here is mindset.

Mindset will give you perspective

And mindset will help you strategise

Remaining positive in a roomful of naysayers isn’t easy

Yet its always doable

If you remember that you are the only one in control of your mindset.

Others trying to stomp on it cant get in – they can only impress their mindset on you.

So what do you want to keep doing?

Do that as much as you can.

Not Nearly Nearly….

Do that bit wholeheartedly.

You deserve to choose at least that for yourself.

What don’t you want to continue?

Stop.

Or at the very least modify – even if its your viewpoint towards it

Hopefully you can ditch that which no longer serves you

And with it, the people who don’t either

Be strong

Be amazing

Be in your happy bubble

Be.

There is such incredible strength within you.

xx

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Celebrate and enjoy…

So Xmas day is over

Whether you managed, fought, avoided or smashed it

Its over for another year

I had the coolest calmest Xmas day with those closest

I certainly missed loved ones don’t get me wrong, however having cooked xmas lunch and xmas dinner for over 25 years, the last half a dozen have been pleasingly simpler.

The last year has been quite surreal. And thats absolutely OK.

Its been a rollercoaster for the last few weeks though – I wont deny it

However my goodness the heartfelt private messages that have been rolling in over the last week have been nothing short of amazing and they have certainly helped me through

I Celebrate and enjoy

The chapter that closes was full of experiences that doth fill quite a novel..

And I certainly wish you the ability to Celebrate and enjoy regardless of your day, your year, your company, or lack of

2019 will be amazing no matter what it brings

xx

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They will all be with you in your grief….I promise

There is something about what we have always called the high holidays or those main celebratory times

and Christmas is one of those days

where we cant help but notice the absence of loved ones.

Whether it’s the first Christmas without them, or the 15th, we miss them just as much.

We just get better at coping with the hole they have left

And the memories become loving memories where you smile as you remember

Rather then those where you feel gripped in that memory worrying you might forget

Its an in between state

Thats the only way to explain it.

I know because I am there

And anyone who has been where I am will understand – yet explain it in their own way

(And that is probably the thing to remember)

Its our moments

The grief comes in waves

And however and whatever it is for you

It will get better – I know it will.

But it will happen to you in your way.

It will stop you in a moment when you least expect it or you will know the early signs.

It’s coming.

And you hold your breath instead of breathing through it.

So how do I know about that part ?

Because I have been blessed to have spent decades as a medium and I have seen it through the eyes of loved ones who have passed

And I have seen how deeply it runs

And how overwhelming it can be.

And because of that – I know I will survive it

And so will you.

Your first, your 5th, and your 45th.

What I DO know is the reason we feel those moments so deeply is because they ARE close

Thats why the moments are so real and so raw.

Because they are there. With you.  In your grief.

Those moments becomes loving memories with Joy and appreciation instead of missing moments.

You will forget bits and pieces. Awful as it sounds.

Life will go on.

But you wont forget THEM. And neither will they forget you.

You will recall whats important. I promise you that too.

Many times the most heartwrenching thing is that we don’t feel them close in a way we wish we did.

The way it is explained to me is that they stand back to allow us to learn to live without them – because we have to.

Then slowly they come closer

We have deeper and clearer memories.

Those moments that take our breath away because they are so real.

Yet not so much when we are raw.

They are with us

I promise.

And I know it will get easier.

Because it just has to.

xx

diamond heart

 

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